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Band 5.5

the table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults

the table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults
#results #-year #study #adults
Data regarding
20-year
Correct article usage
a 20-year
show examples
 study into why
adults
 in the UK attended arts events is given in form of a table. The information in the table is divided into four reasons
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
. Reasons
such
 as ‘desire to see specific performer/artist’, ‘accompanying children’, special occasion’ and ‘work/business’ are given.
Moreover
, the columns in the table depict
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 period of the given statistics. At
onset
Correct article usage
the onset
show examples
,
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
 to see specific
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 was very high. Almost 20 years ago, 58% population preferred to pay a visit to an artist.
However
, 10 years ago the stats were slightly dropped down to 55% but at present day these stats remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 about 56%. Talking about another
category
, that was accompanying children. It was observed that in earlier times 9%
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 took interest in
this
category
whereas
 today 24%
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 are interested.
Besides
this
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two categories differ
accordingly
.
For instance
,
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
category
 illustrates growth as moving towards
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
.
Whereas
special
Correct article usage
the special
show examples
 occasion
category
 contradicts to work
category
. The data in
this
category
 shows
downfall
Correct article usage
the downfall
show examples
 till today. To summarize, it was seen that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 interest of
adults
 was in
desire
Add an article
the desire
show examples
 to see
specific
Add an article
a specific
the specific
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
.
However
, very less interest was seen in
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
/business field.
Submitted by jhanviprajapati567 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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