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Band 5.5

the table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults

the table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults
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Data regarding
20-year
Correct article usage
a 20-year
show examples
 study into why
adults
Use synonyms
 in the UK attended arts events is given in form of a table. The information in the table is divided into four reasons
Use synonyms
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
. Reasons
such
Linking Words
 as ‘desire to see specific performer/artist’, ‘accompanying children’, special occasion’ and ‘work/business’ are given.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the columns in the table depict
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 period of the given statistics. At
onset
Correct article usage
the onset
show examples
,
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
 to see specific
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 was very high. Almost 20 years ago, 58% population preferred to pay a visit to an artist.
However
Linking Words
, 10 years ago the stats were slightly dropped down to 55% but at present day these stats remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 about 56%. Talking about another
category
Use synonyms
, that was accompanying children. It was observed that in earlier times 9%
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 took interest in
this
Linking Words
category
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 today 24%
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 are interested.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two categories differ
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
category
Use synonyms
 illustrates growth as moving towards
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
special
Correct article usage
the special
show examples
 occasion
category
Use synonyms
 contradicts to work
category
Use synonyms
. The data in
this
Linking Words
category
Use synonyms
 shows
downfall
Correct article usage
the downfall
show examples
 till today. To summarize, it was seen that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 interest of
adults
Use synonyms
 was in
desire
Add an article
the desire
show examples
 to see
specific
Add an article
a specific
the specific
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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.
However
Linking Words
, very less interest was seen in
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
/business field.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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