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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001
#bar #show #hours #teacher #schools #four #countries
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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every teacher spent teaching in primary ,lower Secondary and upper Secondary
schools
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 in
Japan
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,
Spain
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, Iceland and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be clearly seen that teachers in every country spend more
hours
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to
Change preposition
apply
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teaching in upper secondary
schools
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,
while
Linking Words
 in other
schools
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 teaching
hours
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approximately
Add a missing verb
are approximately
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 the same . Look at the primary
school
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 in
Japan
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 and
Spain
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, the
hours
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 of teaching in
Japan
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 was 600
hours
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in
Spain
Use synonyms
 was about 700
hours
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. Lower Secondary
school
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 in both countries was under 800
hours
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 . And the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Upper Secondary
school
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 in
Japan
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 was 700
hours
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while
Linking Words
 in
Spain
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 the figure was higher to 200
hours
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 .
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
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 to the
next
Linking Words
countrie
Correct your spelling
country
, primary and Lower Secondary
schools
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 in Iceland were approximately the same and were 600
hours
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.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 , primary
school
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 was about 800
hours
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 and in Lower Secondary
school
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 was 1000
hours
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. And teaching
hours
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 in the Upper secondary
school
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 in Iceland was 900 ,
while
Linking Words
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was superior to 300
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alibekovamalika23 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, schools, japan, spain, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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