IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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In recent days, the authorities of several nations have been making a fund for later technology in order to solve the public.
This
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 writer contends that improving modern gadgets increases accuracy and the living standard of humans life so it is a suitable investment, especially in
this
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 era.
To begin
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 with, there are lots of convinces that AI has been applied globally because of the development of technology. To explain, devices support people in searching for different kinds of subjects
such
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 as education, beauty or entertainment.
Besides
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, the replies of artificial intelligence are completely autonomous and do not require time so individuals can use
this
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 tool whenever they need it.
For example
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, chat GPT or Gemini, which are popular systems provide various plans and ideas in order to enhance the quality of work.
Furthermore
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, technology could be spread in over the world
due to
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 its functions, making a convenient for both producers and customers. To clarify, using robots for manufacturing will promote productivity with higher results but does not require too much effort.
For instance
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, employees can provide about 10 goods per day
while
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 the working efficiency of those gadgets is much more than 10 times with a shorter length of period.
Consequently
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, AI will play a virtual role in the near future, becoming a key sector of all fields from education to work. Taking everything into account, later devices bring several benefits to human life, being used for public matters in the near future.
That is
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 why the fund for robots is an appropriate use that the government should consider .

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, try to organize your arguments more clearly, ensuring a seamless flow from one point to the next. This might involve using clearer topic sentences and more explicit transition phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more explicit introduction and conclusion, emphasizing your thesis and summarizing your main points more distinctly to make your position clearer.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. While you mention technology like chat GPT or Gemini, detailing their impact or providing statistics could make your point more persuasive.
task achievement
Your response completes the task, but for a higher score, ensure your ideas are fully developed. This may involve expanding on how government investment specifically benefits the public beyond general advancements in technology.
task achievement
You've made a good effort to address both parts of the question, discussing why governments invest in technology and whether it's an appropriate use of funds.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from clear attempts at coherence, with transitions between ideas that help the reader follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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