Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from --DELETED LINK-- It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #doctors #nurses #today’s #youtubers #vloggers #survey #six #three #quarters #they’d #career #videos #link-- #kids #youtube #sensation

According to

the results of a recent survey, becoming a successful YouTuber or a blogger is the dream of a large number of young people, especially

children

aged 6 to 17. It is often argued that a

career

in online videos is

such

a threatening

career

orientation for their

children

;

however

, I completely disagree with

this

opinion, and I will discuss some compelling reasons in

this

essay.

To begin

with, it cannot be repudiated that becoming a YouTube sensation is

such

a valuable opportunity for the

self- fulfilment

Correct your spelling

self-fulfilment

show examples

of the

children

This

means they can develop their own skills.

For example

, they can improve their time-management skill because they have to be able to upload at least two or three videos per week to meet the deadline, which requires a sense of self-control.

Besides

this

career

also

helps younger to master communication skills, so they can not only produce more quality videos but

also

draw public attention. Another obvious positive aspect of

this

idea is that

this

also

helps

children

have better

career

opportunities in the future.

This

viewpoint is put forward because employers seem to be impressed by candidates who have succeeded in a certain field, and having a YouTube channel with thousands of subscribers

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

among the great advantages of recruitment.

In addition

, if students can achieve their own achievements in

this

field, it will be a huge plus to apply for scholarships at prestigious universities. In conclusion, I believe that

this

is a legitimate job and it should get support from family and society.

Fri Apr 10 2020

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly outline the author's stance on the topic and provide a roadmap for the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the reasons supporting the author's opinion, providing specific examples and elaborating on their relevance to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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