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Band 4

more and more people want to move to big cities. Why is that? What extent is the good trend ?

#people #move #cities #trend
Moving to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large urban
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 to have a lucrative career is becoming popular in the world.
Although
 overpopulation can be caused by
transfering
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transferring
 to
metropolitan
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the metropolitan
a metropolitan
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area
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areas
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, the economy of
Add an article
the center
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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 will be raised rapidly. It is vital to understand that the increase in the number of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 moving to large urban
center
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centers
show examples
 is
due to
 attraction from job opportunities. There is no doubt that numerous companies,
factories
Correct word choice
and factories
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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manpower, therefor people who want to have a good life can move to
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
show examples
 metropolis to interview.
However
, they need experience and
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 from
university
Add an article
the university
a university
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.
Consequently
,
competitive
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the competitive
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 rate will be higher than it
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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countryside
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the countryside
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. In my opinion, it is a beneficial trend that society migrate to tremendous metropolis when more skilled workers choose to live in enormous
place
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places
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, their professional skills and expertise can help promote the economic development in those places.
For instance
, if city
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 plan to build a financial
center
, the best and quickest way for them to achieve
this
 goal is to attract talents in
this
 field to their cities. In fact, numerous hefty
municipality
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municipalities
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 offer appealing policies for
crowd
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crowds
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 with special knowledge
set
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sets
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 who are willing to work and live there. In conclusion, migration to tremendous capital is
common
Change the adjective
commonly
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 seen in a plethora of countries around the globe, and greater work opportunities
as well as
 more leisure places are usually the reasons. In my view,
this
 trend is of great
benefits
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benefit
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 as it drives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic development in
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
 place.
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task response
Develop further examples and explanations to support your points, especially on the challenges of urban migration.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more seamlessly by using more varied linking words and phrases. Avoid abrupt transitions.
task response
The essay provides an overall response to the task by addressing both reasons for moving to big cities and the potential benefits.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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