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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#people #states #time #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph makes an overview
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 pensioners in the United States spend
a
Change the word
their
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 spare time
throughout
Change preposition
for
show examples
30-year
Correct your spelling
30 years
 from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed, that some of
this
 enjoyment went up substantially in
percents
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
,
while
 others did not exceed
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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. Now, turning to the details, the index in surfing the internet
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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followed an upward trend from 5%
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of the period to 15% in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
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, but
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
afterward
Add a comma
,afterward
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 it was observed another increase to 50%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. The opposite pattern is true for the theatre, whose amount fell significantly from 50% to its minimum of 30% in
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
 and
this
 had an ongoing surge to 45% in
2010s
Correct article usage
the 2010s
show examples
.
An another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
 situation can be attended for the reading. It was fluctuate considerably from 30% and
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
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 rise to 40%;
however
, it was a rapid full for over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ten years, after that was quickly
grow
Change the form of the verb
growing
show examples
, and by the end of the given period it was 60%.
Percent
Change the spelling
Per cent
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 of hiking was 20%,
then
 it was dramatically
rocket
Wrong verb form
rocketed
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
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throughout 80-year reaching a peak of 80%. As for watching tv,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 remarkable climb to 70% in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
 and
unexpected
Change the word
unexpectedly
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 fell
roughly
Change preposition
to roughly
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 65%
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the time
Submitted by aida.asskhat on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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