IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In Some countries,people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion,what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #people #fashion #hairstyles
Fashions are
interesting thing
Suggestion
interesting things
an interesting thing
 among people in today's world.
Nowadays in
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, in
 most of the countries, people imitate the modern fashion and hair styles
.
Accept space
.
 In my
opinion i
Accept comma addition
opinion, I
opinion I
 believe that social media and advertisements are the main cause of
this
happening which
Accept comma addition
happening, which
 is not good and affects the culture of a
country
. There are undeniably number of disadvantages of the people who copy the style of other cultures.
First
 of all, imitating hairstyles and fashion affects in the culture of his own
country
. People follow the western
hair styles
the arrangement of the hair (especially a woman's hair)
hairstyles
 and fashions, especially
the young
Suggestion
the younger
 generation through the social media and advertisements.
For example
, children might follow a style after watching a song of Michale Jackson. So
,
Accept space
,
 he forgets and neglects his own cultural background.
Secondly
, fashion is followed by visiting other foreign
country
 which
reduce
Suggestion
reduces
 the cost of his own
country's
Suggestion
country
 style and it becomes less valuable. It could,
however
, be argued that influence of styles of other cultures has its advantages too. Fashion of other countries

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: