IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #visitors #locals #visit #tourist #attractions #country
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These days Tourism is a flourishing industry. People who love to travel, go over vast distances to see and appreciate foreign cultures and historical monuments. The travel industry is a major source of income in many countries. Some believe that
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting these areas must be charged more than the local inhabitants. I personally disagree with the view because I think the plan will have more disadvantages. I will support my opinion with examples The first reason, I believe that the price of tickets for heritage places must be the same for both local and foreign
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
show examples
 in fares keeps away the number of visitors. Clearly, the more they are asked to pay, the less they will travel. As a prime example, if the government of India charged those foreigners
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 for visiting the monuments of the country their population would drop dramatically;
however
Linking Words
, by attracting more visitors, the government would raise its revenue in other sectors, including hotels or public transportation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Happy
tourists
Use synonyms
 encourage their immediate friends and family members to visit a country and some tourist attractions. If those
tourists
Use synonyms
 get the impression that they are being changed more money than the local people, they would psychologically feel unhappy and they would share their dissatisfaction with others which would mean
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 foreign
tourists
Use synonyms
. Many Historical Places are maintained by the ticket money it collects, and if the number of visiting travellers
gets
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
, it would be tough for the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 to maintain those important places.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 by doing so, authorities can encourage
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
tourists
Use synonyms
 to pay more visits, which will lead to the development of the tourism industry.
To conclude
Linking Words
, from a broader perspective, having the same ticket fee, both for the
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 and foreign
tourists
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial.
Submitted by chandu5385 on

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task response
Ensure that the structure of the essay aligns with the requirements of the task. Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve coherence. Introduce and conclude the essay effectively to enhance cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for the essay. However, there is a need for more varied linking words and sentence structures to improve coherence and cohesion. Use transition words to guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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