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Band 6

n the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.

#n #future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers
In the subsequent years, some individuals anticipate that all
vehicles
such
 as
cars
, buses and trucks will be moved without drivers. Personally, I wholeheartedly opine that there are various pros associated with
this
 notion and I outline my reasons supporting
this
 viewpoint. On the one hand, opponents, unlike me, state that there are some negative points against
this
 subject. First of all, if any
vehicles
 move without a driver, the career of being a driver may be removed from the list of professions.
Also
, it might cause a decrease in job opportunities,
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result, the rate of unemployment will increase remarkably.
According to
 published papers, unemployment has adverse effects on
people
,
such
 as increasing crime and dependence on social welfare programs.
Secondly
, since these
cars
 with the best technologies and lovely appearance might create a false need in humans, they must work more time of day to provide an acceptable amount of money to cover their expenses regarding buying driverless
cars
, buses or trucks.
On the other hand
, advocates, including me, believe that fortunately, with these advanced
vehicles
, some
people
 who deal with a variety of disabilities or elderly
people
 having few limitations in physical activities will benefit substantially.
Therefore
,
this
 promising future can cause
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 and more satisfaction
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 living
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 incapable
people
, feeling less loneliness and improving life expectancy. An article in psychological journals,
for instance
, depicts a study conducted on elderly
people
 in New York, illustrating the improving life expectancy in these mentioned individuals.
Furthermore
, there are many professions that need to drive long distances, so by benefiting from modern
cars
 without drivers, quality of life and work can be enhanced significantly. In conclusion,
although
 driverless
vehicles
 in future can bring a myriad of advantages and disadvantages, I think that the pros of these progressive
cars
, buses and trucks have underlying consequences for humans.
Submitted by saharaqajani on

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task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all parts of your argument are clearly connected and flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and addresses multiple perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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