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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this outwiegh the disadvantages

#phones #internet #people #outwiegh
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In these times, most crowds are starting to rely on the internet for communication and social interaction. More communities are starting to share their traditions and feelings without the need to travel far when there is easy access in the comforts of their homes, but these mediums create a physical distance and a real emotional disconnection which is something that I stand with. Socialising through the internet created a way for crowds all around the world to communicate with each other without travelling. Folks can access many cultures and languages just through their screens and communicate with a large number of people from different regions and areas without the need to worry about travel costs to any country, Which increases the knowledge about traditions and reduces the chance of racial discrimination.
For example
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, if a person wants to learn about Japanese culture and language there are many websites available just for that need.
Although
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 having a wide range of communities ready to accept anyone and accessing different cultures is great , some people can't have a fulfilled social need without interacting with society in real life. Individuals need to go out and speak with other people who live in the same area to create dependable relationships and friends that can be relied on if they need assistance in any circumstance.
For example
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, it's not possible for You to ask your online friend to help with renovations or to have dinner with you, humans are naturally social and need touch-based affection just to feel happy and content.
This
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 essay disagrees with the fact that there are more benefits to online socializing. Yes, having many online friends can be fun and help with widening one's cultural knowledge. But, a person needs to have real-life friendships to help with needs and hurdles they can't fix by themselves, having support from physically available friends makes a huge difference in fighting mental health problems and loneliness.
Submitted by miralaltalhi11707 on

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task achievement
Your essay displays a clear central position on the topic of online versus offline socializing. It would be beneficial to elaborate more on your opinion and provide examples that highlight the balance between virtual and face-to-face interactions.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs, particularly the arguments about the advantages and disadvantages, could benefit from expanded explanations that connect your ideas more cohesively. Ensure transitions between ideas are smooth.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
There are specific examples that illustrate your points, such as the example of learning about Japanese culture online.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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