IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have more positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #effects #society
In some countries, the number of elderly people experiences an increase in recent decades. It is undeniable that the issue has some benefits and drawbacks on society, but I think it has more disadvantages which I am going to explain below. Older people have been appreciated as the valuable resource to their communities as they are the witness of the history and they have
wide range
Suggestion
a wide range
 of knowledge, practice and experience.
Moreover
, when the young family members are busy at work, they can be good companions to their kids and teach, take care as well.
Additionally
, it shows how the government has provided its population with better economic and medical conditions, as in
this
 country
,
Accept space
,
 the life expectancy is high. Some sectors, like teaching, research, medicine
require
Suggestion
requires
 extensive experience and older people can contribute to these fields. In spite of positive values, the growing number of senior citizens
also
 has some negative consequences.
Firstly
, if the amount of old people increases, the government will have to allocate a higher budget to retirement houses and medical services. And these funds are gained from the taxes we pay.
Secondly
, older people demand more attention, extra care and money because of what they are often ignored by their relatives.
Lastly
, they are not able to do much manual labour, that's why they are less productive to the society compared to the youngsters. In conclusion, despite some advantages, increasing the quantity of senior people in a country has more disadvantages. I believe that every country should focus on maintaining a balanced ratio for the population in order to avoid an adverse effect on economic growth.
Submitted by doctorwattson on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: