Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play old traditional games. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences children in a good or bad way?

#children #computer #games #hours #influences

Technology is influencing all the areas of life and entertainment is not an exception. Today's

children

are always found busy playing

games

on computers, which is not a very positive development. There are certain factors that prompt

children

to play these

games

First,

computer

games

are rich in graphics and have excellent background music.

Thus

, they are visually more appealing and more entertaining as well.

Secondly

, the lifelike graphical presentation on

screen

Correct article usage

the screen

show examples

helps

children

in having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

real life

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

feeling when they play

games

Finally

, most parents nowadays are working and

thus

, they avoid sending their

children

to playgrounds because they think

children

are not safe if they spend too much time away from home.

Therefor

Correct your spelling

Therefore

show examples

, parents keep motivating their

children

to engage in some gaming activities at home.

This

development affects the physical and mental health of

children

.Let's consider the health problems first.

Children

spend too much time sitting at the gaming console.

This

can create potential problems in their back muscles and eyes.

Furthermore

, most

children

also

eat junk food

while

playing

games

and their eating patterns become erratic and they often become victims of indigestion.

Change preposition

show examples

a consequence,

this

can lead to problems of obesity and

Add a missing verb

being over-weight

show examples

over-weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

In addition

, now

lets

Replace the word

let's

let us

show examples

analyse mental implications. Playing computer

games

over a long period of time hinders

psychological

Correct article usage

the psychological

show examples

development of

children

. What is more, some

games

may contain explicit or violent content which can cause psychotic disorders in their tender times.

Finally

, playing a game alone

also

inhibits social interaction, which can result in

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of relevant skills

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. Conclusively, even though, the condition often obliges parents to permit their

children

to play

games

on screen. I firmly believe that excessive exposure to computer

games

is indeed harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

children

Submitted by krinapatel369.kp5 on Mon Apr 13 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Consider adding a more balanced view by acknowledging any potential positive effects of playing computer games, even briefly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a smooth transition between the discussion of physical and mental health impacts to enhance overall cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs.

task achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, covering both reasons for the shift to computer games and its influences.

task achievement

Clear main ideas are presented and supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of graphics and parental influence.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction sets the context well, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are a important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, craft subjects are contributing to the evolution of education for children’s growth, some argue that these subjects need to be taught in the academic years of children. One writer believes that art makes students more creative and able to cope with craft aspects of situations, while, another thinks that professional classes are wasting time.
4
band
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate about whether people have the right to attend college so the governor should cover the tuition waiving. Meanwhile, from in my point of view, I do not consider myself an advocate of this idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the waiver of tuition fees is not the sole responsibility of the government. This is because the authorities have to pay for many other facets and residents should pay for their tertiary education. By doing this, they will have more responsibility for their studyings and raise awareness about their learning quality. For example, building facilities, thriving tourism and expanding the entertainment industry can be cited as a compelling instances, which the government must invest in. Moreover, if the governor pays in full, people who drop out of schools or are slothful will also benefit, which would be unfair to other conscious learners. Thus, the government is not required to cover the educational expenses of students attending universities.
5.5
band
I didn't have any nightmare travel experiences, but my friend has had such an experience.
I didn't have any nightmare travel experiences, but my friend has had such an experience. She flew to Russia twice, to St. Petersburg. All these two times she flew with her mother and on business, they made various documents, tried to apply for citizenship in advance and got it done. When they flew there for the first time, everything seemed to go well and they handed over all their personal data and documents and even had time to rest. But when they flew for the second time, everything didn’t go according to plan. When they landed at St. Petersburg airport they were immediately detained by the police. My friend was taken to some orphanage or shelter, and her mother was taken to the police. My friend spent 2 days in a separate room with no windows, just a bed.The food was completely incomprehensible; no one knew what it was. The room was very small. My friend said if she stayed there for a long time, she would simply go crazy within these four walls. Finally, after two days of suffe...
6
band
In many countries nowadays,consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
What we eat remains a perennial topic in society, captivating widespread interest and discussion. I concur with the notion that it is pivotal for customers, that easy access to food produced all over the world is a positive development, albeit acknowledging situations where global food access doesn't reign supreme. This essay will delve into the reasons supporting this standpoint.
5
band
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative?
it is said that in some nations, people have chosen increasingly to live alone. I think it is a negative phenomenon.

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play old traditional games. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences children in a good or bad way?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are a important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate about whether people have the right to attend college so the governor should cover the tuition waiving. Meanwhile, from in my point of view, I do not consider myself an advocate of this idea.

I didn't have any nightmare travel experiences, but my friend has had such an experience.

In many countries nowadays,consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative?