IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #effect #individuals #society
It
Suggestion
It's
 sometimes argued that social networking sites,
for instance
 Facebook, have had a detrimental ramification on individuals as well as local
community
 and culture. While I believe that the impact
such
 social sites have had on individuals have many benefits, I agree that the event of these sites on
community
 can only be seen as negative. In my opinion, ramification of social networking sites for individuals is mainly beneficial.
Firstly
, the internet brought up people from different countries together,
thusthus allowing
Accept comma addition
tastes, allowing
tastes allowing
thus thus allowing
 them to exchange interesting and useful information about their culture. The fact that people can communicate with people other that from their immediate circle is a clear advantage.
Secondly
, social networking sites give an opportunity for people to talk with people who share the same the same interest with them.
For example
, Facebook has many groups, specializing on one topic or activity.
In addition
, the existence of
such
 groups helps people to get information about the job they are doing or the field they are interested in.
On the other hand
, social networking sites created many problems in
humanity
Suggestion
humans
. The majority of people started spending their time online
instead
 of going out with friends or family. In the result, people no longer build supportive relationships with people of their
community
.
Furthermore
, people stopped doing
community
 work for the favour of
nation
Suggestion
the nation
a nation
nations
.
This
 had a destructive aftermath on
company
Suggestion
the company
 and
company
 became weakened. In conclusion, the positive development of social networking sites for individuals is obvious whereas the development of
such
 sites on
company
Suggestion
the company
 is undoubtedly negative.
company
Suggestion
The company
Company
 would continue to lose its strength unless various steps are taken by the government to reduce the negative impact.

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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