Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that
smartphones
Use synonyms
are used widely by some
kids
Use synonyms
, which makes them busy for hours every day.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
phenomenon, and I consider that
children
Use synonyms
will gain more pros if they
use
Use synonyms
smartphones
Use synonyms
in a proper way under the direction of their parents, or teachers.
To begin
Linking Words
with, there are many causes that
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
teenagers to like using
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these
phones
Use synonyms
become more attractive compared to old models of
phones
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
occurs
as a result
Linking Words
of advanced technology, in our era.
In other words
Linking Words
, these
phones
Use synonyms
enable
kids
Use synonyms
to practice various kinds of activities, which enhances them to continue using
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, these
phones
Use synonyms
are similar to televisions and computers,
therefore
Linking Words
; most
children
Use synonyms
are fond of them.
For example
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
can
use
Use synonyms
them to watch fascinating videos, play games, access their emails, and contact their friends easily by using social media platforms on these
phones
Use synonyms
. In terms of that,
this
Linking Words
trend is considered a positive or a negative event. It is
also
Linking Words
possible to say that some drawbacks will happen if
kids
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
them inappropriately.
For instance
Linking Words
, without control, they may become addicted to these
phones
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
; most of their valuable time will be lost.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more positive effects will be gained when
kids
Use synonyms
know how to
use
Use synonyms
them properly. To illustrate,
smartphones
Use synonyms
make the world for them as one village, so; they can recognize the cultures of other nations easily, which may be the key to development.
Also
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
play a crucial role in online education, as; they can help
children
Use synonyms
to finish online learning programs. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
; It is
also
Linking Words
true that numerous reasons push
kids
Use synonyms
to spend hours using
smartphones
Use synonyms
, particularly
smartphones
Use synonyms
provide them with everything they like.
Also
Linking Words
, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many positive consequences will happen when
children
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
them reasonably.
Submitted by sm710129 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay does include an introduction and conclusion, they lack clarity and a strong thesis statement. Furthermore, the body paragraphs do not follow a clear logical sequence which sometimes makes it hard to follow your arguments. To enhance cohesion, consider mapping out your essay before writing to clearly establish your introduction, supporting paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and a conclusion that restates your main points and provides a definitive stance on the topic. Use appropriate transition words to link your ideas together and make sure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before.
task achievement
Your response to the task does include answers to the questions posed, but they need to be more developed. Expand on your main points with specific examples and clear elaboration. Rather than making general statements about the impact of smartphones, illustrate these impacts with concrete examples or relevant data that clearly show the benefits and drawbacks. Ensure that your position on whether the development is positive or negative is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. More direct references to the questions asked and a more thorough exploration of the topic will help in fulfilling the task completely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: