Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide the public a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (OPINION ESSAY)

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In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the approach used to deal with criminals.

While

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some strongly disagree, I firmly believe that providing a better

education

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will reduce the crime

rate

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. From my perspective, improving the

education

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system

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, not only guarantees a more secure society

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but

also

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bridges the gap between rich and poor.

To begin

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, there is an argument to be made that a country's safety depends on the quality of public

education

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For example

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, in Finland, the crime

rate

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does not exceed 5% annually

due to

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their

education

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system

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that concentrates on combating any criminal activities.

For

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this

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reason, it is evident that improving

education

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creates more coherence within the

system

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and increases the understanding between

people

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. What is more, it ensures

people

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learn about morals and the consequences of behaving wrongly, so they are more aware of the punishment.

This

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being the case, it can be assumed that

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apply

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an effective plan to reform the

education

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system

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, would establish common grounds to hinder any possibility of breaking the law in the country.

In addition

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, it must be stated that delivering

education

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to a wider range number of the population, means the financial stability of individuals is secured.

For instance

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, the poverty line in Canada does not surpass 10% because of the high

rate

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of educated

people

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in the country.

Therefore

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it is clear that

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further

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education

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advancement drops the unemployment

rate

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and encourages

people

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to join different job fields.

Furthermore

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, the poverty

rate

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would decrease, because

people

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would make enough money to have a stable life. With

this

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in mind, there is no doubt that if the proportion of educated

people

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rises,

this

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would boost the socioeconomic status of the

overall

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society.

To conclude

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, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that enhancing the

education

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system

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targets public needs by providing financial stability, which

as a result

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ensures a lower

rate

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of crimes.

Submitted by ototonji.ot on Sat Dec 30 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly distinguishable and encapsulate your key arguments effectively. It's important for the introduction to preview the topics you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize the main points without repeating them verbatim.

coherence cohesion

Develop your paragraphs with a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by relevant details and examples. Transitions should be smooth and logical, helping to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

For a higher score, ensure that every part of the task is addressed more completely. The introduction sets up the essay's argument but could encompass a more specific thesis statement. Similarly, the conclusion could better reflect on the arguments made throughout the essay, providing a final comment that reinforces your standpoint.

task achievement

Give clear, comprehensive responses to the essay prompt by fully developing your arguments. Your main points are relevant, but they can be expanded with further explanation and a deeper analysis of the issues. Avoid general statements and focus more closely on how education addresses specific criminal issues.

task achievement

Include relevant and specific examples to support your main points; this has been done well, particularly with the reference to Finland and Canada. Ensure that these examples are fully integrated into your argument, explaining how they illustrate the point you're making effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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16
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide the public a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (OPINION ESSAY)

Include an introduction and conclusion

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The pictures below show how tea is produced. They also illustrate the process of making a cup of tea. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the environment as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.