IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #computers
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Owing to the burgeoning development in technology,
computers
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 are extensively used in all sectors of life. It is believed by many that, in future, people
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who will not have knowledge of
computers
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 will
lack
Verb problem
fall
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 behind and I completely agree
to
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with
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this
Linking Words
 notion. To embark on, in
this
Linking Words
 technological era, every organization is putting emphasis on turning their operations automated.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, these smart machines now have become ubiquitous and can be seen at each and every place we visit.
For instance
Linking Words
,
computers
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 are widely used in banks, government offices, hospitals, schools, universities etcetera.
Thus
Linking Words
, the individuals who remain deprived
from
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of
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 computer awareness will not be able to secure a handsome job in these fields. Another point to consider is the deadly combination of
internet
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the internet
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 with
computers
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. The advent of
World
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the World
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 Wide Web has brought
the
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a
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 mammoth information available
at
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to
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the
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apply
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humans’
finger tips
Correct your spelling
fingertips
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. So in order to keep oneself updated one, must be able to operate
computers
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,
otherwise
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 would have to rely on others for even small tasks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is worth mentioning that now, even in rural areas,
computers
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 are massively utilized by
populace
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the populace
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 to access online shopping websites, food sites, online ticket booking,
searching
Wrong verb form
search
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 information and for huge number of other applications.
The people
Correct article usage
People
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 of all age groups are increasingly becoming dependent on
this
Linking Words
 smart machine to accomplish their umpteen tasks.
In other words
Linking Words
, the computer has become indispensable to humans.
Therefore
Linking Words
, any person, who is unable to handle
this
Linking Words
 machine, would definitely face numerous hurdles in his/her
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 life. In conclusion, it is undeniable to accept that
computers
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 have become an absolute imperative for humans. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the people lagging in computer knowledge will certainly encounter a number of difficulties even in their small chores and
would
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will
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 get disadvantaged.
Submitted by kanwaljit1310 on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly and effectively address the task by presenting a clear opinion and summarizing the main points of the essay. Use a wider variety of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas and examples that are relevant to the task. Make sure to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay to improve the overall flow of ideas and arguments.
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