IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that what children watch influences their behavior, while others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviors most. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #influences #behavior #amount #time #television #behaviors
Watching
TV
 is one of the most popular leisure activities of many people, especially the children. While some people believe that the contents on
TV
 have impacts on children’
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
, I would argue that the length of time they spending on
TV
 more considerable influences on their actions. On the one hand,
TV
 programs give significant
affects
property of a personal character that is portable but not used in business
effects
 on
preschooler
Suggestion
preschoolers
a preschooler
. Children would be not able to distinguish clearly between rights and wrongs in their age,
hence
, unhealthy
contents including
Accept comma addition
contents, including
 violent scenes and misbehaved actions of
characters
Suggestion
the characters
 on
TV
 may access them easily. As a consequence, they can imitate and apply these actions in their
life
Suggestion
lives
, which partly leads to juvenile
delenquency
nonpayment of a debt when due
delinquency
. In
constraction
the act of constructing something
construction
contraction
, there are educational programs that are useful for the development of preschoolers’
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. Appropriate contents can leave meaningful message
such
 as the value of friendship, family or environment protection.
This
can leads
Suggestion
can lead
 to the positive change in their
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. The examples for
this
 are
friendly polite
Accept comma addition
friendly, polite
 and friendly with other people and obeying parents.
On the other hand
, I
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
 that spending a long period of time on
TV
 can be detrimental for young viewers. Excessive television exposure can form a sedentary lifestyle in children. They have
tendency
Suggestion
a tendency
 to less involve themselves in outside activities and practice physical health, which can cause obesity at their age
.
Accept space
.
 More importantly, kids addicting
TV
 are highly antisocial. These kids would less communicate with other people and not willing to express opinions.
As a result
, their communication skill will not be developed perfectly. In conclusion, many people hold
opinion
Suggestion
the opinion
 that
TV
 programs
is
Suggestion
are
 a reason for the change in children’s
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
,
however
, it seems to me that the amount of time for watching
TV
 is a more marked influence on them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: