IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that historic buildings should be preserved in their original form. Others argue that this is both inadvisable and impossible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 it is sometimes thought that historic
buildings
Use synonyms
 ought to be retained in their authentic status, there are others who suggest to impossibility and inadvisability of
this
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 notion.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 I personally believe that
this
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 preservation is of a monumental significance. On the one hand, some people opine that old
buildings
Use synonyms
 To illustrate, historians and investigators explore these assets to enhance their knowledge about specific features of an era
such
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 as
architectural-style
Correct your spelling
architectural style
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, decoration and
life-style
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lifestyle
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, their destruction is counted as erasing evidence of a nation’s history.
Moreover
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, these leftovers attract thousands of tourists from
the
Change preposition
around the
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whole
Correct word choice
apply
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world every year which booms local markets.
Thus
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, paying not enough attention to these worthwhile structures will possibly result in clogging a financial resource.
Therefore
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 it would benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and individuals if they have not been changed or
destructed
Verb problem
destroyed
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.
On the other hand
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, some others argue that in order to preserve room and money, their alteration or collapse is inevitable.
While
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 the White House,
for instance
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, occupies 10 times as much space as a modern building, equipping it with civil infrastructures like electricity or telephone lines and using it as an office
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been a more economical plan.
Furthermore
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,
such
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buildings
Use synonyms
 need constant maintenance
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 takes enormous funds.
This
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 money may not be recouped through tourism because preserving an ancient castle,
for example
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, can cost as much as its income for 10 years
through
Change preposition
by
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 charging for visits. In conclusion,
although
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 some people decline the idea of retaining
buildings
Use synonyms
 of historical value, I am considering my stance on its importance because they are a great part tangible heritage of a country.
In addition
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,
such
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 structures not only
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 helped us know much about our history
,
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apply
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 but
also
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 provided business opportunities for locals as tourist spots.

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coherence cohesion
To improve, ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea. For example, the first body paragraph could be better focused on the importance of historical buildings for cultural and economic reasons, rather than merging multiple ideas in a single section.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points with more specific and varied examples. For instance, instead of just mentioning historians and tourists, provide a specific case study or statistic to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are a bit fragmented and could be more fluid. Try to vary sentence lengths and types to maintain the reader's interest.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the two sides of the argument and provides a clear thesis statement with your own opinion.
conclusion
The essay concludes with a summary of the main points and restates your opinion effectively, giving a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible connections
  • cultural heritage
  • architectural features
  • economically beneficial
  • safety regulations
  • environmental standards
  • functional facilities
  • significant alterations
  • integrating modern elements
  • extending lifespan and relevance
  • technical challenges
  • financially unfeasible
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