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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should retire and stop working.

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Introduction
Some people believe that an adult, who falls into the age category for pension, needs to evaporate unnecessary hopes in the pursuit of
career
Suggestion
a career
.
However
Linking Words
, there is another statement that seniors could have a significant effect on the job market. In my opinion, I agree with both statements because older people should
work
Use synonyms
 at the same level as younger individuals.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, most people agree with their viewpoint as they prefer giving opportunities for younger people (avoid relative clauses).
For example
Linking Words
, the unemployment rate of young adults increases constantly, because employers often hire older people with
work
Use synonyms
 experience. It can
also
Linking Words
 cause some troubles with teaching younger ones. There is another reason why there is an unemployment gap between older people and younger ones. Companies tend to hold their seniors because it could increase the productivity and bring benefits. Admittedly, People who are over 60 want to have more
work
Use synonyms
 because it depends on their pension rate in the future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who are over 60 should
also
Linking Words
 consider their retirement because of today’s innovation and new technologies. Now we see that the world is changing rapidly. Older people should keep up with the speed of learning and absorbing new information.
Therefore
Linking Words
, older people should give some chance for younger ones, and help them to progress on their new career.
As a result
Linking Words
, it helps to decrease the unemployment rate and narrow down the opportunities to obtain skills.
Nowadays more
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, more
 employers prefer hiring young workers with a higher education. It helps to increase benefits and
work
Use synonyms
 faster
due deadlines
Suggestion
due to deadlines
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is said that
a
expresses position, direction or location, or point in time
at
 60 years old and over people should retire to give their positions to young adults.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 argued whether it will bring benefits to industrial companies. From my point of view, it is a broad subject to
further
Linking Words
 discussions so that I partially agree with both statements considering their pros and cons.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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