IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the consumption of fast food is becoming more and more popular. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend for individuals and for society as a whole.

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Nowadays, eating too much fast
food
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 has increased in a range of countries and people tend to use ready
food
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 more and more. In my point of view, the drawbacks of the consumption of fast
food
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 outweigh its benefits for individuals and societies. There are some drawbacks to eating more fast
food
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 for individuals and societies. The main reason is related to health problems. As many ready foods are unhealthy and cause many illnesses and even mental problems health for the entity by getting them fat and out of shape,
furthermore
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 they might get Alzheimer's.
For instance
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, in my country, most public do
due to
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 their sedentary lifestyles and
in addition
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, they do not do much physical activity, a large range of people suffer from obesity,
as a result
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, the whole of society is obliged to pay more time and the money the to treatments and trying to be healthy.
On the other hand
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, using fast
food
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 could help the community to save time and money, so
this
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 type of cuisine gets ready fastly and in most cases, they are cheaper than homemade meals, but it is undeniable that most fast
food
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 has a lot of unsaturated oil and they are full of salt which is high risk for physical and mental health .
For example
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, A piece of chicken frise at the restaurant has much more oil than a piece of boiled Chikhen
that is
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 ready at home. So in conclusion, paying attention and spending an hour cooking a meal at home is better for per person who eats fast
food
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 out of home.
To sum up
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,
although
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 fast
food
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 gets ready quickly and has a reasonable price in most cases, a lot of well-being dilemmas and illnesses are the result of consuming it.
In addition
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,
this
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 destructive effect might lead to more issues not only for the person but the whole of society by paying more time and money for treatment. So consuming healthy cooking
such
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 as homemade
food
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 is more beneficial and healthier for human beings and societies.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear main point. The second paragraph merges different ideas about health problems and societal costs, making it a bit confusing.
task achievement
Check for grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. For example, the sentence "As many ready foods are unhealthy and cause many illnesses and even mental problems health for the entity by getting them fat and out of shape, furthermore they might get Alzheimer's" needs rephrasing for clarity.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the prompt, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of fast food consumption for individuals and society.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant examples, like the mention of obesity in your country, which help illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenient
  • affordable
  • unhealthy
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • cooking at home
  • quality family time
  • jobs
  • economy
  • healthcare costs
  • diet-related diseases
  • environmental degradation
  • waste
  • resource consumption
  • fast food culture
  • traditional food practices
  • local cuisines
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