IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The car is a disastrous 20th Century invention that has made the world’s cities more dangerous and polluted, as well as being responsible for the deaths of millions of people in accidents. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the
car
Use synonyms
 is a disastrous invention of the 20th Century. The
car
Use synonyms
 has affected cities
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the danger of
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
show examples
 and pollution
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
,
furthermore
Linking Words
, it causes numerous accidents and deaths. In my opinion, I disagree that the
car
Use synonyms
 is a disastrous invention
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 think that the
car
Use synonyms
 has some negative aspects. There is no doubt that the
car
Use synonyms
 has given us faster
transportation
Use synonyms
. For one thing, it has become more useful and safer in emergency cases. One clear example is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 vehicles
such
Linking Words
 as
ambulance
Fix the agreement mistake
ambulances
show examples
, police
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and fire
truck
Fix the agreement mistake
trucks
show examples
 are working to help people’s
lives
Use synonyms
. When an incident happens, they run to the accident scene and have saved millions of people’s
lives
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the faster
transportation
Use synonyms
 possibilities to ship food and supplies everywhere
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 rural areas. If the
car
Use synonyms
 had not been invented, our normal
lives
Use synonyms
 would be more difficult.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
car
Use synonyms
 has several negative aspects. Another point to consider is the issue of traffic jams. Recently, too many people drive
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
consequently
Linking Words
, the roads in the big cities are packed with cars. From
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, it will provoke
car
Use synonyms
 accidents and air pollution from gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
. Regarding that issue, the government advocates the citizens to use public
transportation
Use synonyms
 to reduce the traffic flow.
This
Linking Words
 will help to reduce the problem caused by the
car
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are several disadvantages of the
car
Use synonyms
, I believe that the
car
Use synonyms
 invention has given our
lives
Use synonyms
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
 and more convenient way of life.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it is generally advisable for people to select other
transportation
Use synonyms
 to decrease the problems caused by the
car
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your main points are clearly stated with full support.
coherence and cohesion
Use signs to help your reader follow your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Add more examples to show your ideas more clearly.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
support
You explained both positive and negative sides of the car well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: