IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them continue with their work. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#artists #salaries #government #work
Many
people
 are of the opinion that
artists
 who do not earn a decent income should be supported by the union. I do not agree with
this
 point of view because I believe ministry funding should be spent on pressing social problems and
also
 because
artists
 can find alternative sources of income to support themselves. Government funding should be used to deal with pressing problems rather than support
artists
. Investment in the art industry contributes little to improving the standard of living of the general public. Art, after all, has been considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 luxury item by the majority of
people
 and has nothing to do with their everyday life.
By contrast
, education and health care are more closely related to
people
’s
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. By pouring more money into these areas, the authority can make education more affordable and accessible for young
people
 and
thus
 provide them better opportunities for their future employment. At the same time, state funding
also
 enables medical facilities
function
Fix the infinitive
to function
show examples
 properly and
this
 can offer better health services to citizens. All these improvements contribute to the betterment of
people
’s lives.
Moreover
, like any other professionals,
artists
 can find other financial resources and support themselves.
To begin
 with,
artists
 can cooperate with other organizations and companies by providing creative ideas and graphic designs.
This
 helps them to earn extra income and reduce their reliance on authority help. Another point is that
artists
 nowadays can take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology
such
 as social media networking to promote their own artworks and sell them worldwide.
To conclude
, in my perspective, union funding should be spent on education and health care so as to benefit more
people
 and
artists
 should find alternative financial resources by selling their creative ideas and artworks.

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task response
To improve task response, provide more specific examples related to the art industry and how government funding can impact artists. Ensure a clear connection between the argument presented and the prompt given.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, strengthen the link between sentences within paragraphs by using transition words and phrases. Ensure a clear flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next to maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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