IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #visitors #locals #visit #tourist #attractions #country
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It is often argued that
tourists
Use synonyms
 should pay more for entertainment and cultural facilities than local people. I partially agree with
this
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 opinion because
although
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 foreign people can be used as a profit source, sometimes it can be accepted as
a
Remove the article
apply
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discrimination towards foreign
tourists
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. On the one hand, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign visitors pay more for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural and leisure
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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, it will bring more economic benefits
for
Change preposition
to
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 the country.
Moreover
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, that money can be used for
further
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 development of the facilities,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 probably will attract more
tourists
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.
For example
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, in EXPO 2017 conducted in the capital city of Kazakhstan, the charge for Kazakhstani people under 18 years was 4000 Tenge,
while
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 for foreign children it was twice more. The
profited
Replace the word
profit
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 money was used for building new facilities
such
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 as parks and alleys.
Therefore
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, by taking more money from foreign
tourists
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, the owner of attractions can use them
for advancing
Change preposition
to advance
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 his business.
On the other hand
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, charging foreign
tourists
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 more than locals
,
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apply
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 can be assumed
as
Change preposition
to
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 the discrimination. The
tourists
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 may feel humbled because of
such
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 inequality, and the possibility that they will come again will decrease.
Consequently
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, the number of
tourists
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 can decline.
For instance
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,
while
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Youth
Correct article usage
the Youth
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 Olympic
games
Capitalize word
Games
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 in 2011
held
Add a missing verb
were held
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 in Almaty,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 price of
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
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 for foreigners was 5 or even 6 times higher, as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, the image of the country was worsened. In conclusion, in my opinion,
tourists
Use synonyms
 can pay more only in some cases
such
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 as exhibitions, but in daily
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
 the payment should be equal.

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the issue before elaborating on the reasons for your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
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