IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #visitors #locals #visit #tourist #attractions #country
It is often argued that
tourists
 should pay more for entertainment and cultural facilities than local people. I partially agree with
this
 opinion because
although
 foreign people can be used as a profit source, sometimes it can be accepted as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination towards foreign
tourists
. On the one hand, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign visitors pay more for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural and leisure
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
, it will bring more economic benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the country.
Moreover
, that money can be used for
further
 development of the facilities,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 probably will attract more
tourists
.
For example
, in EXPO 2017 conducted in the capital city of Kazakhstan, the charge for Kazakhstani people under 18 years was 4000 Tenge,
while
 for foreign children it was twice more. The
profited
Replace the word
profit
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 money was used for building new facilities
such
 as parks and alleys.
Therefore
, by taking more money from foreign
tourists
, the owner of attractions can use them
for advancing
Change preposition
to advance
show examples
 his business.
On the other hand
, charging foreign
tourists
 more than locals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be assumed
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the discrimination. The
tourists
 may feel humbled because of
such
 inequality, and the possibility that they will come again will decrease.
Consequently
, the number of
tourists
 can decline.
For instance
,
while
Youth
Correct article usage
the Youth
show examples
 Olympic
games
Capitalize word
Games
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 in 2011
held
Add a missing verb
were held
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 in Almaty,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 price of
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
 for foreigners was 5 or even 6 times higher, as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, the image of the country was worsened. In conclusion, in my opinion,
tourists
 can pay more only in some cases
such
 as exhibitions, but in daily
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
 the payment should be equal.

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the issue before elaborating on the reasons for your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.

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