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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables show the number of mobile phones sold in millions of for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makes comparisons where relevant.

The tables show the number of mobile phones sold in millions of for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makes comparisons where relevant.
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The table describes that a
number
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 were sold in millions between 2006 and 2012. There are divided into three groups; one is that the
number
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold by Nokia and Ericsson went up in about 2
years
Use synonyms
 before going down, and
while
Linking Words
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold by Motorola tended to decrease significantly from 2006 to 2012, the two brands left had
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
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 trend. Beginning
of
Change preposition
apply
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selling 345 and 74
million
Use synonyms
 in 2006, and it was about 2
years
Use synonyms
 later that the figure increased to 475 and 102
million
Use synonyms
 respectively was the tendency of Nokia and Ericsson.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going down in
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 left.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in 2012,
this
Linking Words
 group had the
lowest sold
Add a hyphen
lowest-sold
show examples
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 with 335 and 28
million
Use synonyms
 in the older given. In 2006,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold by Motorola were 210
million
Use synonyms
, and it is about 7 times as many as the
number
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the quantity of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 sold by Samsum and iPhone had a tendency to increase quickly between 2006 and 2012. To be more specific, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Samsum and iPhone began from 117 and 0
million
Use synonyms
 to 396,5 and 135,8
million
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
turn. That meant the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Samsum and iPhone were nearly 3 times and 136 times as many as for a period of six
years
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, phones, years, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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