IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #pets #longevity #household #animals #companions #argument
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Domestic livestock is becoming more and more popular.
Although
pets
 could increase a level of activity that may lead to a longer life, It may cause several hygienic issues for owners. Longevity will increase If we keep
animals
 at home as companions. Since the time we will spend both playing and walking with them will increase our activity. The creatures would every day encourage us to go outside for hours which provides us with better health conditions through walking on foot.
For example
, when individuals have
animals
, they need to attempt green areas where they are provided with not only fresh air but
also
 active games with
pets
 like running.
As a result
, they have better breathing and heart systems and control under their weight.
Thus
, having
pets
 as companions increases our longevity
as well as
 improves health conditions.
On the other hand
, there is a problem with
hygiene
Add an article
the hygiene
show examples
 of
animals
 and their contact with people, since
animals
 mostly have lots of worms in their
fur
, which should be washed daily. Those owners who would not like to take care of and clean their
pets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may be damaged by these microbes, which leads to awful consequences.
For instance
, when owners do not clean
animals
'
fur
 regularly, they become infected by parasites from livestock
fur
, since
pets
 live at home and are in touch with people.
Therefore
, domestic
animals
 cause diseases for humanity, If their hygienic aspects are not controlled.
To conclude
,
while
 the widespread trend of having
pets
 could impact our longevity through physical activities, we may be infected by their
fur
, if we do not take care of them
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Make sure to fully develop each point with more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Enhance the use of specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Ensure that each point flows naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to clearly present and summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide more supporting details for the main points to make your argumentation stronger.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, which showcases a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is generally logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have included relevant issues such as the health benefits of physical activity and hygiene concerns, which are important aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: