IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children and some people feel that it should be banned. While advertising can have several negative impacts on children, I believe it should not be completely banned. On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have a detrimental impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. Many children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisements, and
this
 may cause conflicts between parents and children if parents deny their children of something they want.
In addition
, advertising targeted at children can have negative effects on their health, as many fast food and junk food companies these days direct their marketing strategies towards children, making their products appear to be healthy and appealing. Unfortunately, most children do not understand the concept of advertising and are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy foods, and as a consequence, can be at risk of many serious health issues,
such
 as obesity and diabetes.
On the other hand
, I feel that there should not be a ban on advertising aimed at children because advertising is one of the key aspects of a prosperous economy. If bans were to be placed on commercials, many companies would suffer from a decrease in sales and profits, which would eventually affect unemployment rates and the economy.
For example
, Coca Cola provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising throughout its branches across different regions around the world. If advertising was banned, a large number of workers,
such
 as marketers, may become unemployed, and
as a result
, the government will have to provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people. In conclusion,
although
 advertising aimed at children may have certain negative impacts regarding family relationships and health, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: