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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

--DELETED LINK-- The bar chart below shows the amount of money invested in each category from five organisations.

--DELETED LINK-- The bar chart below shows the amount of money invested in each category from five organisations.
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The data sources clearly
communicates
Change the verb form
communicate
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 the proportion of money that five
organizations
Use synonyms
 invested in four different categories (machinery, building, staff training and research).
Overall
Linking Words
,
organization
Use synonyms
 B's invested the most
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these categories compared to the others,
while
Linking Words
 the ratio for
organizations
Use synonyms
 D and
E
Use synonyms
 saw the opposite trend.
In addition
Linking Words
,
organization
Use synonyms
 C's expenditure was the most different from the other ones. Looking at
organizations
Use synonyms
 A, D and
E
Use synonyms
, we can see that these
organizations
Use synonyms
 allocated the most
on
Change preposition
in
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building
Add an article
the building
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 sector, at around 1,5
billion
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
 for group A and the same figure for
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 D and
E
Use synonyms
 ( roughly 1
billion
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
). The least invested categories in
organizations
Use synonyms
 D and
E
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 research, the figures for them accounted for 0,6 and nearly 0,7
billions
Change to singular
billion
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euros
Use synonyms
 for each,
while
Linking Words
 that of group A made up approximately 1.1
billion
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
.
Turing
Correct your spelling
Turning
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 to the two remaining countries,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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the largest
investment
Use synonyms
 of
organization
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 B went to staff training with nearly 1,9
billion
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euros
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, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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doubled the
investment
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 sector in
organization
Use synonyms
 C (only 0.8
billion
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euros
Use synonyms
). Around 1.3
billion
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euros
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
were used
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 for the machinery and research
investment
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, which was
also
Linking Words
 the highest
investment
Use synonyms
 in
organization
Use synonyms
 C,
while
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 figure for
organization
Use synonyms
 B for
these sector
Change the determiner
this sector
these sectors
show examples
 were 1,6 and only 0,9
billion
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words organizations, organization, e, billion, euros, investment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment allocation
  • categories
  • fiscal allocation
  • predominant
  • minimal investment
  • trend analysis
  • outlier
  • forecasting
  • distribution
  • paraphrasing
  • comparing
  • analyzing
  • summarizing
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