IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #years #governments #amounts #money #forces
It is
long time
Suggestion
a long time
, the
world
, nowadays, has not involved with any significantly clash. Today's,
world
Suggestion
the world
 is no comparison with
past
Suggestion
the past
 when people spent
most time
Suggestion
more time
in
Suggestion
on
 the battlefield.
Conversely
, The
world
 is much more secure place than
past
Suggestion
the past
. It is argued that governments should stop consuming money for developing armed forces while remaining few individuals thinking it is compulsory to make potent armed forces. My essay supports that
army
 forces are indispensable significant part of nations.
This
 essay is going to narrate
firstly
, always need to give emphasis on the armed forces, in case they are needed.
Secondly
 Armed forces can easily handle
serious situation
Suggestion
a serious situation
serious situations
 in nations. Powerful armed forces
means
Suggestion
mean
 strong security of a country in order to others countries take decisions deliberately to attack these countries where mighty Armed forces. It is hardly to say the
world
 has not any conflict owing to
recently
Suggestion
recent
 US has ended
Iraq war
Suggestion
the Iraq war
 though there are continuing some conflicts.
Moreover
, powerful countries always want to contribute
on
Suggestion
to
 others countries in the
world
. So they, can offensive anytime on under weaker countries
such
 as
UK
Suggestion
the UK
 has not mighty armed forces
as a
result they
Accept comma addition
result, they
 had badly affected
in
Suggestion
by
world
 war One and still UK
army
 forces less strong like past situation. It is clearly seen that
government
 should be kept updated their armed forces. Alongside that, sometimes
countries
Suggestion
countries'
country
 situations
are gone
Suggestion
have gone
go
 out of control from
government
 hand, in these serious matters are only likely controlled by Armed forces. You can be seen
with
Suggestion
in
 America, where has
large
Suggestion
the largest
 population and often they involve with battle and
government
 full up these situations by
army
Suggestion
the army
. For
this
 reason their
government
are spending
Suggestion
is spending
 wider amount of money for aggravating their
army
 power. To conclude, though it is undoubtedly true to the
world
 is as good enough as past, Armed forces play a strong and heroic role to save countries as a filler.
Submitted by aliakbarsylhet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: