IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an argument that a complimentary
laptop
Use synonyms
 should be provided to all the children as they begin high school.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
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 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because in a
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
laptop
Use synonyms
 computer is a necessary tool and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 students more opportunities in the teaching process.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having the proper tools in the education process gives a lot of benefits. It
lets
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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 time, so the students can focus on the key tasks. The current students have access to new technologies and they can
use
Use synonyms
 them. Laptops make research, writing, reading, communication, collaboration, and presentations easier.
For example
Linking Words
; pupils who want to do their homework, do not have to go to the library. They can
use
Use synonyms
 online books or
use
Use synonyms
 the school website to find every material which they need. That gives them extra time to do it more accurately and correctly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the access to a
laptop
Use synonyms
 is very helpful in the syllabus. That gives opportunities to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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everything
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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 and more
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
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. The pupils can exploit a lot of software
such
Linking Words
 as classrooms to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
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different pupils or teachers,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 can
use
Use synonyms
excel
Capitalize word
Excel
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 to do necessary
count
Fix the agreement mistake
counts
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 and
presents
Wrong verb form
present
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 data.
This
Linking Words
 tool gives one more benefit, as well. The schoolchildren can adopt them in special situations. Instance; in pandemic time they can continue their education process,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 can study without leaving home. In conclusion,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 a free
laptop
Use synonyms
 for
every
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
 who starts high school is essential to allow every student to develop and give the same chance for everyone to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new technology.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear opinion statement at the beginning and a concise summary at the end. The logical structure is somewhat disjointed at times.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to a fair extent but could benefit from a more explicit opinion statement and a clearer conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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