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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punsihment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punsihment #distinction #sort #punishment #parents #teachers #behaviour
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One of the relevant issues nowadays is to
learn
Verb problem
teach
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 children the difference between right and wrong
since
Change preposition
at
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young
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a young
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 age. Most people get used to
bring
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bringing
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 up their
child
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 via
punishment
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. Personally, I tend to think that
punishment
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 is not the only way to teach your
child
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a
Remove the article
apply
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good behaviour.
Firstly
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, it is well known that
punishment
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lead
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leads
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 to many issues.
For instance
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, there may be problems with both physical and mental health.
Also
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 arise different injuries that affect
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 person.
Appear various
Verb problem
Various
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 fears of something, be it the fear of being beaten or making a mistake. A good case in point is if in childhood a
child
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 was punished by being locked in the dark,
then
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 over time he develops a fear of the dark, as
this
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 is associated with bad memories.
Furthermore
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, any
punishment
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 can affect the
child
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’s psyche over time. He may become closed, distant, or,
on the contrary
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, show aggression towards people. I mean
this
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, usually a person treats others the way others treat him. and the relationship between parent and
child
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 is a great example
for
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of
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this
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.
Therefore
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, it is important not to beat, not to intimidate, not to injure the
child
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, as
this
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 all leads to injury and will have a bad effect on the
child
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’s condition.
Instead
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, I advise you to calmly talk, explain,
tell
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and tell
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 the reasons why he should not do
this
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.
this
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 method will help prevent various problems,
injuries
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and injuries
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 and improve the relationship between parent and
child
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. If we talk about the types of
punishment
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 that parents and teachers are allowed to use, I think that you should not use any
punishment
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, as I said earlier there are alternative ways.
Finally
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, we can come to the conclusion that
punishment
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 is not the only way out. To raise a good generation you need to give an example of good behavior and treatment.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more frequently to enhance readability and add sophistication to your writing. This can include the use of compound and complex sentences.
Grammar and Accuracy
Ensure to proofread your writing to catch and correct any typo or minor grammar mistakes such as 'learn children' which should be 'teach children'.
Argument Development
Although you have presented a clear position throughout the essay, incorporating counterarguments or a wider range of views before presenting your own stance can add depth to your argument. This demonstrates critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a well-defined stance in the introduction. This sets a clear direction for the rest of the essay.
Logical Structure
You have effectively used a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument with clear progression from one idea to the next.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are well-supported by examples and explanations. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance and reinforces the points made throughout the essay. This is an effective strategy to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
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