IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #outweigh
The debate weather it is a positive or negative development that today some countries have a higher percentage of
the young
Suggestion
younger
 people, compared to the number of the elderly people. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
 trend clearly outweigh the drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I shall analyse and examine the positive and negative aspects of
this
 change and provide the supporting arguments for my selection. On the one hand, there are numerous predominant benefits of
this
 tendency.
Firstly
, it is profitable for the economy, as the higher number of the young people that are available to join the workforce is present, it could result in a sharp boost to the economy of the country.
Secondly
, the amount of money invested in the senior care services is decreased, it
further
 benefits the government in terms of the savings on the health coverages and pension plans.
In addition
, a recent study published at the Stanford University, showed that the countries with the highest population of
the young
Suggestion
the younger
 generation, saved 35% more than
compared
Suggestion
comparable
 to the countries with a lower ratio.
On the other hand
, the negative consequences of
this
 trend cannot be ignored.
For example
,
such
 a difference in the ratio of the young people to the older people, clearly indicate that the country is severely lacking in the experienced working class people.
Furthermore
, it could
also
 result in a sudden spike in the unemployment rate in the nation. In conclusion,
this
 is a topic which raises many questions in the contemporary life. From the given arguments and examples, I am inclined to say that the positive aspects of
this
 development surpass the negative points. In the future, we could expect to witness a notable drift in
this
 direction, that could bring both the good and bad news for the entire society.
Submitted by gknaruto608 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: