IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More developing countries are being given aid by international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In contemporary society, experts have debated whether financial aid by international governments has helped to enhance and improve development,
while
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 others oppose that practical help and advice would be more beneficial. Personally, I strongly advocate for the latter.
Although
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 there is merit in the argument that financial aid can help with economies, it is important to consider that these countries might not have the cognitive skills to use the money correctly. It is imperative the recognize the paramount impact that financial contribution has made towards governments.
For example
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, a news reporter in New York disseminates that AI Inco in China wires over one million dollars a year to Samsung to develop Artificial Intelligence for smart devices.
Moreover
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, international investors from around the globe provide funds for new and upcoming companies that might intrigue them, without the knowledge that they might succeed or not.
Thus
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, I believe that more than just capital support is needed to fully develop plans.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to underscore that practical assistance and guidance are required for a company to fully flourish.
For instance
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, BioMedicine involves various medical specialists worldwide to assist with the
developing
Replace the word
development
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 of new medicine. Given
this
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, it is evident that physical guidance is required,
otherwise
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 money invested into companies and organisations might be for nothing.
Hence
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, a concatenation of practical training and
advise
Replace the word
advice
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 is needed to provide adequate development. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that money can be momentously beneficial for development, it is important to consider that it might not be successful without practical help. If foreign organizations continue to only provide capital support,
then
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 some companies might never develop fully.

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Relevance
Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the countries receiving aid, rather than companies. This ensures clarity and relevance to the topic.
Examples
Provide clearer, more direct examples that illustrate the impact of both financial and practical aid on developing countries to strengthen your argument.
Balance
Try to balance the discussion more evenly between both views before presenting your opinion for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Structure
Your essay effectively provides a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, development of points, and conclusion.
Coherence
The progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph is logical and easy to follow, demonstrating good coherence.
Position
Your essay presents a strong personal stance on the topic, effectively rounding off your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable development
  • infrastructure
  • capacity building
  • technology transfer
  • corruption
  • efficiently
  • dependency
  • holistic development
  • immediate needs
  • empower
  • sustainability
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