IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#places #people #canada #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart elucidates the information regarding the proportion of
people
 visiting at cinema, theatre, library and zoo. The percentage is divided into three categories which are new
migrants
 born in other
countries
, new
migrants
 born in
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 speaking
countries
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Canada
. Having
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
show examples
 glance it is apparent that the highest volume of masses visiting cinemas in
Canada
 are
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 born in
Canada
, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 70%,
whereas
, 65%
migrants
Change preposition
of migrants
show examples
 from other
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 nations visit there and only 50%
migrants
Change preposition
of migrants
show examples
 from other
countries
 go there, probing ahead, significantly lower rate of inhabitants can be seen who are visiting the theatre which are 10%
migrants
 from other
countries
, 25% from
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 speaking
countries
 and 20% from
Canada
 born masses. Moving towards the rest of the information the sufficient amount of folks
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 on library in
Canada
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the new
migrants
 born in other
countries
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 50%,
although
 40%
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
migrants
 born in
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 speaking regions go there and 37% born in
Canada
 who visited there.
Lastly
, the minimum capacity of
migrants
 born in other
countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 35%,
50
Change preposition
with 50
show examples
% of new
migrants
 born in
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 speaking
countries
 visiting there and 42% who born in
Canada
.
To sum up
, it
is appeared
Change to the active voice
appears
has appeared
show examples
 that there are fewer
people
 who visit
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the theatre.
On the other hand
, the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who go to the cinema have greatly risen
portion
Change preposition
in portion
show examples
 of the
inhabitants
Correct quantifier usage
number of inhabitants
show examples
 rather than another three categories.
Submitted by sumtran77 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, migrants, countries, english, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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