some people think that art is an essential subject for child at school, while other think it is a waste of time. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that
art
lessons
should be removed from schools,
while
others believe that
art
is a crucial subject for
children
within the educational system. I firmly believe that
art
should be an integral part of school curricula. On one hand, many believe that careers in
art
,
such
as those of musicians, painters, and photographers, are less lucrative compared to professions like engineering or medicine. A significant number of parents in Asia prioritize major
subjects
such
as math, languages, and science over sports or
art
, believing these
subjects
are essential for survival in a competitive society and crucial for gaining admission to prestigious universities.
Consequently
, they prefer to allocate more time to these core
subjects
by eliminating
art
classes.
On the other hand
,
art
education plays a vital role in fostering creativity among
children
.
Art
allows adults to gain insights into a child’s deeper thoughts and emotions, which can be reflected through the
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
they use and the
subjects
they choose to depict in their artwork.
For instance
, teachers have sometimes identified cases where
children
were experiencing bullying or were victims of sexual assault through the themes and elements present in their drawings.
Moreover
,
children
are not bound by societal conventions, enabling them to produce work that adults may find unimaginable.
Thus
,
art
lessons
are crucial for enhancing
children
's creative capacities. In conclusion,
although
many argue that
art
lessons
are unnecessary and do not prepare
children
for future challenges, I believe that
art
education is essential. Not only does it enhance
children
's imagination, but it
also
provides a vital avenue for identifying and addressing serious issues affecting
children
,
such
as abuse or neglect.
Hence
,
art
lessons
play a critical role in the holistic development of young learners.
Submitted by h14030013 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to include more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially with synonyms for key terms, to demonstrate lexical resource.
task achievement
To enrich your argument, maybe bring in some statistical evidence or findings from studies that support the impact of art on children's development.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of paragraphing to separate and emphasize your points.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that bookend your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the requirement to discuss both views as well as providing your own opinion, contributing to a complete response.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
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