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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that art is an essential subject for child at school, while other think it is a waste of time. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that
art
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lessons
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 should be removed from schools,
while
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 others believe that
art
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 is a crucial subject for
children
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 within the educational system. I firmly believe that
art
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 should be an integral part of school curricula. On one hand, many believe that careers in
art
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,
such
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 as those of musicians, painters, and photographers, are less lucrative compared to professions like engineering or medicine. A significant number of parents in Asia prioritize major
subjects
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such
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 as math, languages, and science over sports or
art
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, believing these
subjects
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 are essential for survival in a competitive society and crucial for gaining admission to prestigious universities.
Consequently
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, they prefer to allocate more time to these core
subjects
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 by eliminating
art
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 classes.
On the other hand
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,
art
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 education plays a vital role in fostering creativity among
children
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.
Art
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 allows adults to gain insights into a child’s deeper thoughts and emotions, which can be reflected through the
colors
Change the spelling
colours
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 they use and the
subjects
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 they choose to depict in their artwork.
For instance
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, teachers have sometimes identified cases where
children
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 were experiencing bullying or were victims of sexual assault through the themes and elements present in their drawings.
Moreover
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,
children
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 are not bound by societal conventions, enabling them to produce work that adults may find unimaginable.
Thus
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,
art
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lessons
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 are crucial for enhancing
children
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's creative capacities. In conclusion,
although
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 many argue that
art
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lessons
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 are unnecessary and do not prepare
children
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 for future challenges, I believe that
art
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 education is essential. Not only does it enhance
children
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's imagination, but it
also
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 provides a vital avenue for identifying and addressing serious issues affecting
children
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,
such
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 as abuse or neglect.
Hence
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,
art
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lessons
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 play a critical role in the holistic development of young learners.

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coherence cohesion
Try to include more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially with synonyms for key terms, to demonstrate lexical resource.
task achievement
To enrich your argument, maybe bring in some statistical evidence or findings from studies that support the impact of art on children's development.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of paragraphing to separate and emphasize your points.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that bookend your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the requirement to discuss both views as well as providing your own opinion, contributing to a complete response.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
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