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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that people should take
risks
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 in their professional and personal
lives
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,
while
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 others believe
otherwise
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. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the
disadvantages
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.
Body paragraph 1
There are considerable benefits to taking
risks
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 in personal and professional
lives
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.
For instance
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, taking
risks
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 in professional life could lead to having better opportunities,
such
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 as a promotion or a salary increase.
On the other hand
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, risk-taking in personal
lives
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 could result in having a better and happier life. To illustrate, after gaining the confidence to travel by myself, it all became worth it, as I was able to discover who I really was more. Simply speaking, I believe that taking
risks
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 can ultimately help us as humans to have a better life.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there are
disadvantages
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 to taking
risks
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 in personal and professional
lives
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 as well. One primary drawback is that taking
risks
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 can
also
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 have results that are unsuccessful or could have negative effects on us.
For instance
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, taking dangerous
risks
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such
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 as doing something unethical could lead to harming ourselves. To illustrate, I once knew a person who risked their college scholarship by posting something offensive.
This
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 was harmful for the offender, as he eventually lost his scholarship.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are benefits and
disadvantages
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 of taking
risks
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 in both professional and personal
lives
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, I believe that taking more
risks
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 can help many people develop more, because it can lead to having a better
lite
Correct your spelling
life
 or understanding yourself better. Though there are
disadvantages
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,
such
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 as taking dangerous
risks
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 that could harm ourselves or simply just the risk itself is unsuccessful, I believe that every setback or negative effect teaches us a lesson about how we can improve for next time. Given
this
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 situation, more people should take
risks
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 in their personal and
professional
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professional lives
show examples

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that the good points are greater only when risks are planned and not harmful. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Give more detail for each main point. Explain how a work risk can lead to a new job or more pay, and why this is worth the possible loss.
task response
Your personal example is useful, but say what risk you took before you travelled alone and what changed after the trip. This will make the example clearer.
task response
The last sentence is not complete. End with a full, clear final idea about why people should take careful risks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the links smoother, use clear words such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In contrast” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, focus on growth and new chances. In the second, focus on loss and harm. Then compare them in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times, such as “better life” and “taking risks in personal and professional lives”. Use short, direct sentences instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are not clear or natural, for example “discover who I really was more” and “the risk itself is unsuccessful”. Write “understand myself better” and “the risk may fail”.
task response
You answer the question and clearly state that the good points of taking risks are greater than the bad points.
task response
You include examples from work, travel, and a college scholarship. These help show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, a paragraph on good points, a paragraph on bad points, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “For instance”, “However”, and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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