IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#proportion #people #countries #future #development
There is growing interest revolving around the fact that the proportion of people who is old will be higher than the percentage of young people in the future.
Although
 there are unarguable benefits brought about by increasing the proportion of elderly, from my own perspective, the problems arising from it are more trouble. One evident merit is that with an extensive experience that elder people got, companies can save an amount of time when solving any problem. Naturally, the more difficult the problem is, the more experiences that it needs to be solved quickly.
In addition
 that, the salary that companies have to pay for the older worker is much cheaper than younger one, so it
al
so help t
Suggestion
also helps
has also helped
o save an amount of money for companies to handle immediate difficulties.
On the other hand
, a higher ratio of elderly
also
 reveals multiple disadvantages, the distinct of which is that the labour force is not abundant and energy.
This
 in turn will result in low productivity, in the long run being delayed and possibly leading to bankruptcy. An additional drawback is that the money that the government have to pay to the retired workers each month is more than youngster’s salary, so it will effect to the economy of the rustic over time.
Last
 but not least, because young people are quite slow so that the speed of updating new information is not as fast as possible, it can possibly lead to backwardness for both society and country.
For example
, there is a new phone which was invented 2 days ago, every country catches all up with it and import into the country, with the backwardness, that the new phone will be imported a few days later than other provincial. In conclusion, every problem has all two perspectives, but I personally think that there are more disadvantages when the bulk of older citizens are increasing steadily.
Submitted by onepieceoda1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: