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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below show the expenditure on study from 2000 to 2100

The chart below show the expenditure on study from 2000 to 2100
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These data sources clearly
communicates
Change the verb form
communicate
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 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent by
undergraduates
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,
postgraduates
Use synonyms
, and
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 student population in a British university.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 and all
students
Use synonyms
 spend 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
to study
Change the verb form
studying
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 in the library.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 using 15
hours
Use synonyms
 or over accounted for the highest percentage. Looking
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 chart in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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,
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 usually consume 1 to below 7
hours
Use synonyms
 in the library, with the figure at approximately 63%, higher than the figure of
postgraduates
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 (17%) and all
students
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 (50%). The largest number of
postgraduates
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 (51%) spend
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
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hours
Use synonyms
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 at the university library, between 15
hours
Use synonyms
 and more, compared to 15% and 9% of the proportion for all
students
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 and
undergraduates
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 individually. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that the period of 8 to 14
hours
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 is the
second
Linking Words
 highest option for all student categories. The figure
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 35% for all
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of
undergraduates
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 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 slightly lower, accounting for around 28% and roughly 32% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, undergraduates, postgraduates, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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