IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: give details of your study plans explain why you want to get a part-time job suggest how your friend could help you find a job You should write at least 150 words.

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #plans
Dear Ankur, I hope you are doing well. I want to tell you something
finally
, I got a student visa and coming there so I am writing you
this
 letter to help me regards the part-time job in Melbourne, Australia. Well,
firstly
 I will let you know about my course which is 2 years at the University of Melbourne, Australia and my first term will start on 1st June. I heard from word of mouth that student needs to do a part-time job in order to pay expenses. And of course, you must know that I had to mortgage a student loan because of my father's situation here. I can legally work there for 20 hours per week as per immigration terms and conditions. So could you please arrange a job for me? I can understand that you didn't get time to call me
cause
Correct your spelling
because
show examples
 of time differences. But, I suggest you take a day off and looking the surroundings near my study place where I can work in Restaurants or as a customer representative in the shopping centre. I have attached the resume which will help to find more information. I'll catch you soon there. Lots of love, Smiths Daren
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and transitions smoothly to the next for better clarity and flow.
coherence cohesion
You can improve the logical structure by providing a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, ensuring each section flows naturally into the next.
task achievement
Try to stick to a polite and semiformal tone throughout the letter which is suitable for writing to a friend about a significant matter like job assistance.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, make sure your letter thoroughly covers all aspects of the task. This includes expanding on each point within the letter's body and possibly adding more details or personal touches.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Educational aspirations
  • Work experience
  • Financial independence
  • Resume (or CV)
  • Local job market
  • International student
  • Legal requirements
  • Student work permit
  • Employment trends
  • Time management
  • Networking
  • A part-time position
  • Balance studies and work
  • Job hunting strategies
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