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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These day’s increasing number of overweight children in urban areas is a huge problem. What are its causes and effects on the country.

#day’s #children #areas #effects #country
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Nowadays, children obesity is the major
problem
Use synonyms
 in cities. The major rise in number is from
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last few decades
Suggestion
the last few decades
. In
this
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 essay
,
Accept space
,
 I will discuss the causes behind
this
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problem
Use synonyms
 as well as its effects on the whole of the country. There are a lot of reasons for
this
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 major issue
.
Accept space
.
First
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 of all, in western
areas
Suggestion
area
 kids mostly prefer junk food as compare to homemade cuisines. Most of these
food stuffs
(usually plural) consumer goods sold by a grocer
foodstuffs
 contain oil,
fat which
Accept comma addition
fat, which
 results in
deposition
Suggestion
the deposition
 of fat in the body and
hence
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, kids become chubby. Fir instance, according to the report of ‘The Times’ the number of franchises of burgers
,
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,
 pizzas enhanced rapidly during the
last
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 decade
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
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, the lifestyle of families in
western world
Suggestion
the western world
 is
such
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 that children prefer to play video games rather than outdoor activities.
Therefore
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, the
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 reason is lack of parental attention due to hectic schedule towards their children’s physical activities and exercise. So,
this
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 is
also
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 the major cause of obesity
.
Accept space
.
Furthermore
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, as children are the future of
country
Suggestion
the country
. If they are not
heathy
having or indicating good health in body or mind; free from infirmity or disease
healthy
heavy
then
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 they will not be able to serve the nation in a proper way
.
Accept space
.
 To conclude, as
children
Suggestion
child
 obesity is growing
problem
Use synonyms
 in urban areas which is mainly caused by eating fast food
,
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,
 lifestyle of people, lack of exercise and excessive video gaming.
Hence
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,
Accept space
,
this
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problem
Use synonyms
 will
also
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effect
have an effect upon
affect
 the future of
country
Suggestion
the country
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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