IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Theme: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

#theme #schoolchildren #history #world
It is argued that pupils should be more aware of their local
history
 in comparison outside ones due to considering crucially. It is agreed that schoolchildren should completely be taught more about their native country’s background. Analysing both the earning money via knowing local
history
Accept comma addition
history, then
then
 and patriotic feelings will highlight
this
.
Firstly
, If children learn their local
history deeply,
Suggestion
history, deeply
 they can earn money because of it.
For example
, in the future, school learners may become workers as
touristic
 guides and they can get profit for speech about local
history
 during a
touristic
visited by throngs of tourists
touristy
 trap. As a reason, mostly, foreign visitors to any country are interested in prehistoric places, monuments of the country. So, they will need a person who knows
local
Suggestion
the local history as well
the local history well
history
 well.
Additionally
, not only pupils but
also
 mature people need feelings about their homeland during their life span. The erudition of school children on local
history
 may be a cause for above. When they study about historical periods of their motherland, after deeper approaching, the data about famous faces, their breakthroughs and work dedicated to the homeland will come
into
Suggestion
in
. In the aftermath, on encouraging, the hearts of
learners
Suggestion
the learners
 will start beating towards patriotism more. In summary, schoolchildren can achieve more relying on knowledge local
history
.
Thus it
Accept comma addition
Thus, it's
Thus it's
 clear that why there is dominance over world
history
 of local one. After looking at standing points of the issue, we can aver that school curriculums should include more lessons of a country’s
history
 than
world
Suggestion
the world
.
Submitted by dilfuz.yodgorova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: