IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views with openion

#belief #death #penalty #deterrent #crimes #life #sentence #openion
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These days, there is an ongoing debate
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 people about the method of
punishment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
.
While
 it is possible to claim that, there should be capital
punishment
 for any heinous crimes.
However
, others believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
life
 impressment is a better way to punish the guilty. In my opinion,
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
 should be the common
law
 across the globe against any inhuman acts.
This
 essay shall explore both stands and will conclude with my opinion. To embark upon, there are several reasons, why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
 should be given for any heinous crimes.
Firstly
, it will create a fear in the mind of the
criminals
, they would think before committing any evil act.
For example
, In Saudi Arabia, there is a
law
 to give
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
against
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any
such
 incidents.
This
 result, there is almost zero crime rate
in contrast
 with other nations.
Secondly
, it should
also
 be taken into account that, it will help
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to save
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of money that would have
spent
Add a missing verb
been spent
show examples
in
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on
show examples
 the safety of the
criminals
 if
keeping
Verb problem
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 in jail.
On the other hand
, those who argue for
life
 impressment have different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and say that it can actually be a good thing.
Firstly
, it is claimed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
no one
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to kill
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings
in
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under
show examples
 any circumstances, which is
completely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a
violation
Correct word choice
complete violation
show examples
 of international human rights acts.
Furthermore
, imposing a
life
 sentence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
 will give them a second chance to
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
 themselves to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and understand the value of
life
.
For example
, In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Southern Asian countries, capital
punishment
 has been totally demolished with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 impressment, resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
good number of evils turned to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. To recapitulate,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are strong arguments on both sides of the case. There are pros and cons for both
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
as well as
life
 long sentence and the decision depends upon the
country specific
Add a hyphen
country-specific
show examples
law
.
However
, I am in favour of
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
 for any inhuman acts and it should be implemented as a uniform
law
 across the globe controlled by the United Nations.
Submitted by asadhcl on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent effect
  • capital punishment
  • life imprisonment
  • heinous crimes
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • irreversible consequences
  • wrongful convictions
  • psychological impact
  • cost-benefit analysis
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism rates
  • public opinion
  • human rights
What to do next:
Look at other essays: