IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
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While
 some people prefer reading
books
 to watching TV or playing
games
 on a
computer
 ,others have different opinions and claim that watching TV and playing
games
 have more benefits.From my point of view,I agree with the former view.In the following paragraphs,the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in detail.
To begin
 with,The sources of information require more than one ways to receive
such
 as television or social media platforms providing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sounds and graphics and
computer
games
 which you have to play, listen and sometimes speak to other players has been proven by scientific research that these resources can assist youngsters to memorise data better compared to
books
 which have only letters.
Moreover
,nowadays those types of media have increased rapidly.
This
 generation learns from various platforms
such
 as YouTube,TikTok and Facebook because they are more entertaining.
For instance
,I surprisingly found that children can learn new languages via a
computer
 game and
also
 can learn general knowledge via short videos from TikTok.
However
,children can easily be distracted.If they have a choice to play rather than to learn,it will be hard to gain knowledge from those sources,so they must be under parental guidance.
In contrast
,Reading
books
 makes it easier to concentrate.That's the reason why it has become the main source of information in school.From my point of view, whenever I want to study seriously,my mobile phone must be kept out of sight.
Additionally
,reading
also
 aids children in developing their imagination. In conclusion, I strongly agree with reading since the benefits of
books
 outweigh the drawbacks.
However
,television and
computer
games
 can be additional sources to gain knowledge under supervision.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea and supports it with relevant examples.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced perspective; consider mentioning potential advantages of watching TV and playing games to create a fair argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making the structure easy to follow.
task achievement
Your argument is generally clear and concise, focusing on the benefits of both reading and multimedia.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
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