IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people’s #lives #advertisement #people #impact
Nowadays, many people claim that advertisement impacts many aspects in our lives;
however
, it
also
 has detrimental effects. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 view
,
Accept space
,
 which will be discussed in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, companies aim to promote the consumption of their products by advertising. To do
this
, they tend to emphasize on values
such
 as success, status, happiness and wealth and link these values with material possessions.
Therefore
, customers may
aquate
consider or describe as similar, equal, or analogous
equate
 the pursuit of happiness with possessing material wealth; in spite of expending a large amount of money. People may become
shoppaholics
having no definite form or distinct shape
shapeless
 and
this
 may cause debts or even bankruptcy.
Moreover
, materialism makes people put priority on material pursuits, leading an unhappy and unfulfilled life.
Secondly
, women are
also
 the victim of advertisements. To clarify, many commercials usually distort by perfect images of women’s skin or body portrayed to change women’s view of beauty perception; as
result
Suggestion
a result
, women will seek out that product to help them prettier and feel more confident.
However
, many bleaching or whitening products containing toxic substances may cause many skin diseases.
Last
 but not least, advertisement creates artificial needs and unnecessary purchases.
For example
, new phone models are released periodically to appeal to those who want to show off their status and wealth. Meanwhile, the functions of new phones are no different to the older versions. In conclusion, I believe that advertisement impacts on some materialistic aspects of our lives and it may cause adverse impacts on people.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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