IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that cars should be banned from large cities. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #cars #cities
Some
people
 believe that driving vehicles
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary to be banned in big cities, and I personally, agree with
this
 point of view.
This
 essay will talk about the reasons that
people
 do not need to have their own
cars
 in large cities.
To begin
 with, the main reason is that
people
 can conserve
Correct article usage
the environments
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environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
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. It is well-known that the majority of environmental
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 caused by greenhouse gas emissions which result from driving
cars
. In fact, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent research from
NewYork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
 Times reported, carbon dioxide emissions have increased over 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 since car sales rose in the city.
Therefore
, if vehicles are prevented
to drive
Change preposition
from driving
show examples
 on city roads, it would help to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top of that, another reason is that
people
 do not need to commute by driving private
cars
 anymore.
This
 is because most drive owners use their
cars
 for commuting.
However
, recent public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been organized so well that commuters may not require having
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
cars
.
People
 can take
a
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apply
show examples
public transportation for their short
journey
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journeys
show examples
 at
anytime
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any time
show examples
 and anywhere with reasonable fares. From my experience, even though I am a
drive
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driver
show examples
 owner, I usually take a bus for short
distance
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distances
show examples
due to
 its cheap price, and I pay only 1.5 dollars for using buses regardless of the distance. In conclusion, it seems to me that there are clear reasons to ban
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private vehicles in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large cities in terms of
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of the
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
 and
convenience
Correct article usage
the convenience
show examples
 of using public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
.
Therefore
, I believe that
people
 should ban driving
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
cars
, in the long term.
Submitted by HyebinYoo  on

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Task Response
Your essay provides a clear response to the given topic, stating your agreement with the idea that cars should be banned in large cities. You have presented relevant arguments to support your opinion, which is essential for a well-developed response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You have effectively introduced the topic, presented your reasons, and concluded your thoughts. However, consider expanding on the introduction and conclusion to further engage the reader.
Task Response
Clear and relevant reasons provided to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical organization of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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