IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, adults do little exercise. Some people believe that the best way to address this issue is by covering great sports events such as the Olympics on television. Others think that it is more beneficial to take other measures. What is your opinion?

#adults #exercise #people #address #sports #events #olympics #television #measures
These days, it seems that more people are migrating to other countries than ever before.
This
 raises certain question about the integration of newcomers into the world.
Although
 there are valid arguments to the contrary, in
this
 paper I will argue that it is the responsibility of immigrants to adapt to accepted rules of behaviour in their adopted bucolic, both written and unwritten. The reasons for
this
 are twofold.
Firstly
, it is vitally important that newcomers observe the laws of their adopted provincial for the sake of social order. Imagine the chaos that would ensure if people refused to drive on the same side of the road. It is,
therefore
, necessary for all-immigrants to ensure that they observe the law in their new country, regardless of any differences to laws in their home province. Two
further
 instances of practices which are permitted in some countries, but prohibited in others are the possession of firearms and gambling.
Secondly and
Accept comma addition
Secondly, and
 more importantly, though, in order to maintain societal cohesion it is essential that newcomers respect the social norms of their adopted rustic. Of course, having a mixture of different cultures and traditions gives
a
Suggestion
an
 agrarian colour and vibrant;
however
, Iwould contend that too much cultural diversity undermines a company by alienating people from each other. It is my belief that similarities unite people, whereas differences have a tendency to divide. A strong society is a homogenous company with shared values and goals. By way of conclusion, I believe that
this
 issue is likely to become even more important in the future as border between countries become increasingly blurred. It,
therefore
, demands out
further
Suggestion
Further
 consideration.
Submitted by saidganidadajonov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: