IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that after a child enters school their children will have more influence than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #child #school #children #influence #parents
School is significantly
principal
Suggestion
principally
 part of children’s
live
Suggestion
lives
liver
 and has
affect
Suggestion
affected
 different aspects of their personality
such
 as mental abilities, social lifestyle, etc. Some people believe that teachers can impress
children’s mind
Suggestion
the child’s mind
child’s mind
 and
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 much more than parents. I will meticulously scrutinize
this
 argument and provide a few reasons as turn why I strongly dissent from it. As regards
this
 issue, children spend a great deal of time at school learning new things. School as
a
Suggestion
an
 academic place where a large amount of information is injected student’s mind which promotes the old one or even substitutes their pre-existent knowledge. As children grow up, they have burning desire to be
freedom
Suggestion
freed
 so that they can genuinely become independent of their parents. So, it is indisputably normal to look for new role models except their family members. Admittedly, teachers appear to be a great option for children
who to look up
Suggestion
who look up to
 them as a symbol of
patient
Suggestion
patience
 and wisdom in
community
Suggestion
the community
. Notwithstanding, it must be said that parent’s pivotal role in forming their children’s manners and thoughts is undeniable. Granted that children’s personality is profoundly shaped at a very early age in childhood, they are still exposed to most of the time with their family members, especially their parents. When they embark upon goring to school, their personality has already taken shape.
Furthermore
, most children develop
a
Suggestion
an
 emotional relationship with their
parents which
Accept comma addition
parents, which
 may not be replaced with anything else. By way of conclusion, as stated hereinabove, children’s
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
, temperature, perspectives on life and a wide range of features are products of parents raising which make them look different and unique
form
a giver or sender
from
 other models.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: