Nowadays, most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals?

#people #time #homes #effects #society #individuals

Home

is a place where members of

family

Suggestion

the family

a family

get together there, talk to each other, eat, rest and relax. So it has

important role

Suggestion

an important role

in strengthening bonds between family members. These days, people

spend

Suggestion

are spending

less

time

home

that brings negative effect on individuals and society. The

first

cause is people’s busy working schedule. Nowadays,

labor

a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages

labour

market is very competitive and everyone must

work

hard to establish a

well

Suggestion

good

work

position. And parents must

work

hard to earn enough money and meet family needs. Another reason is

rise

Suggestion

rising

in family expenditures. In contemporary days, people tend to spend their money on luxuries, holidays and leisure goods, so they must even

work

harder to keep up with these expenses. People

also

must spend a couple of hours on

way

Suggestion

the way home

home

from

work

and vice

versa because

Accept comma addition

versa, because

cities are too crowded and they always get stuck in traffic jam that make even situation worse.

This

phenomenon

cause

Suggestion

causes

is caused

has caused

is causing

several negative effects. As member of family spend

fewer

Suggestion

less

little

time

home

the family bonds gradually are faded away so it has devastating effects on family relationships. Most of the people

needs family

Accept comma addition

needs, family

emotional support to naturalize the negative stresses at

work

, so if

it is

it's

not fulfilled cause severe depression that will interfere with their professional and personal lives.

In addition

, when people do not take adequate

time

for children, they lean toward their friends. Therefor they may be influenced or pressurized by their peers to do something

wrong

Accept comma addition

wrong, for

for

example taking

Accept comma addition

example, taking

drugs, alcohol or shoplifting that

prepare

Suggestion

prepares

the ground for juvenile crimes and ruin their future. In conclusion, people spend less

time

home

because of working for long hours, increase in family expenses and

also

traffic congestion. Spending less

time

home

has negative on personally and socially aspect of

life including

Accept comma addition

life, including

, running family relationships, depression, and poor children upbringing and rise in juvenile rate crimes.

Submitted by abbasshaban71 on Thu Apr 30 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You will transfer your work place to another and you should write a letter to your boss - explain why you would like to move - request your documents - explain your transfer date

The use of social media is replacing face to face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that e-books will eventually replace traditional paper-based books. Others, however, believe that both versions will continue to exist side by side. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. what problems could this situation cause? what solutions you can suggest?