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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals?

#people #time #homes #effects #society #individuals
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Home
Use synonyms
 is a place where members of
family
Suggestion
the family
a family
 get together there, talk to each other, eat, rest and relax. So it has
important role
Suggestion
an important role
 in strengthening bonds between family members. These days, people
spend
Suggestion
are spending
 less
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 that brings negative effect on individuals and society. The
first
Linking Words
 cause is people’s busy working schedule. Nowadays,
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 market is very competitive and everyone must
work
Use synonyms
 hard to establish a
well
Suggestion
good
work
Use synonyms
 position. And parents must
work
Use synonyms
 hard to earn enough money and meet family needs. Another reason is
rise
Suggestion
rising
 in family expenditures. In contemporary days, people tend to spend their money on luxuries, holidays and leisure goods, so they must even
work
Use synonyms
 harder to keep up with these expenses. People
also
Linking Words
 must spend a couple of hours on
way
Suggestion
the way home
home
Use synonyms
 from
work
Use synonyms
 and vice
versa because
Accept comma addition
versa, because
 cities are too crowded and they always get stuck in traffic jam that make even situation worse.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon
cause
Suggestion
causes
is caused
has caused
is causing
 several negative effects. As member of family spend
fewer
Suggestion
less
little
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 the family bonds gradually are faded away so it has devastating effects on family relationships. Most of the people
needs family
Accept comma addition
needs, family
 emotional support to naturalize the negative stresses at
work
Use synonyms
, so if
it
it is
it's
 not fulfilled cause severe depression that will interfere with their professional and personal lives.
In addition
Linking Words
, when people do not take adequate
time
Use synonyms
 for children, they lean toward their friends. Therefor they may be influenced or pressurized by their peers to do something
wrong
Accept comma addition
wrong, for
for
Linking Words
example taking
Accept comma addition
example, taking
 drugs, alcohol or shoplifting that
prepare
Suggestion
prepares
 the ground for juvenile crimes and ruin their future. In conclusion, people spend less
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 because of working for long hours, increase in family expenses and
also
Linking Words
 traffic congestion. Spending less
time
Use synonyms
home
Use synonyms
 has negative on personally and socially aspect of
life including
Accept comma addition
life, including
, running family relationships, depression, and poor children upbringing and rise in juvenile rate crimes.
Submitted by abbasshaban71 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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