IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#education #component #school #program
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Every individual has a different nature,
Linking Words
therefore has
Accept comma addition
therefore, has
 a
differnt
unlike in nature or quality or form or degree
different
 point of interest.Some students prefer to undertake financial
education
Use synonyms
 for
thier
of them or themselves
their
 future
career
Use synonyms
 while some would prefer to major in other disciplines.Critics argue that majoring in accounting and other financial related subjects brings less benefits to the
scoiety
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
.I personally believe that
every thing
all things
everything
 in the world has two sides and so as the case with financial
education
Use synonyms
.I partially agree with the
benefits financial
Accept comma addition
benefits, financial
education
Use synonyms
 brings to the society.
To
Suggestion
Two
 began with, financial
education
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial to society in a number of ways.
Induviduals
Suggestion
Individuals
 who undertake financial
education
Use synonyms
 are aware about the importance of money.
This
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 is because, financial studies
tells
Suggestion
tell
 individuals about the importance of money in
thier
of them or themselves
their
lives which
Accept comma addition
lives, which
 in turn gives them a brief overview of managing
thier
of them or themselves
their
 finances in the
futues
an unborn or unhatched vertebrate in the later stages of development showing the main recognizable features of the mature animal
fetus
.
For example
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, a study published by
oxford
a university town in northern Mississippi; home of William Faulkner
Oxford
 university showed that individuals who majored in
financial
Suggestion
finance
 studies, saved an average of 30 percent of their monthly income
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 those who majored in
other other disciplines
Suggestion
other disciplines
On the other hand
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,
although
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 there are many benefits of financial studies, there are significant downsides to it.
Firstly
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, leaning finances can take
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of time and sometimes it may take a decade to succeed in the
bussiness
a commercial or industrial enterprise and the people who constitute it
business
 of finance-related occupations.
Secondly
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, people do not usually understand the idea of financial
education
Use synonyms
,
therefore
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 they do not appreciate
this
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 profession as it should be which can be really depressing and
demotaviting
Suggestion
 for many people related to
financial sector
Suggestion
the financial sector
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a research done by
indian
a member of the race of people living in America when Europeans arrived
Indian
 government showed that individuals who studied finances and built up a
career
Use synonyms
 in finance related jobs are
critisized
find fault with; express criticism of; point out real or perceived flaws
criticized
criticised
 as
accordindly
(sentence connectors) because of the reason given
accordingly
 to critics choosing a
career
Use synonyms
 in finance is considered no more
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then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 frivolity.To sum up
,
Accept space
,
till now financial
education
Use synonyms
 is praised by many people because of the benefits it brings to the society while critics argue that
its
it is
it's
 a wrong
career
Use synonyms
 to choose.
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 believe if the government successfully manages to promote the importance of financial
eduucation
the activities of educating or instructing; activities that impart knowledge or skill
education
 amongst its citizens,
then
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 the popularity of financial
education
Use synonyms
 can flourish in the future.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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