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Band 7.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken?

#countries #weight #people #level #health #measures
Now in the world, we can see a trend that the percentage of fat
people
 grew very fast
last
 year. Because of it, the level of health falls a lot. There can be many reasons causing these problems, and we will discover some in
this
 essay. First and foremost, the increase in
people
's weight it's a huge problem around the world. One of the easiest reasons it's, the internet started to grow about 20 years ago. From that time it's evolved into the biggest part of our lives. We can talk, watch films, play games and buy food which will be delivered by a delivery boy. That's no reason to go for a walk and mover at all. I have some bad examples of
people
, which as my friend, but when he discovered computer games, he changed. He was walking out of home only a few times for a month,it's very sad. He gained about 20kg and now he looks like Gollum. The second reason, it's meals. Nowadays you can'
t
 find food that doesn'
t
 have something with chemistry in it. Farm food to expensive for common
people
. Luckily my grandmother lives in the village and she grows chickens and vegetables in her garden. But most
people
 don'
t
 have that choice. When you are overweight, you have a lot of health problems. You can'
t
 play sports for a long time, you will have hard breathing,
also
 your heart will work harder, it's very bad for it, a lot of cholesterol in your blood. In the consumption, it will be a good packet of diseases. Exercise and watch your diet and the world will be both thinner and healthier.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point or argument. For instance, have separate paragraphs for causes and solutions, with clear transitions between them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively presents the topic, but the conclusion could be more comprehensive. Summarize the main points discussed and suggest possible solutions to reinforce your arguments.
Task Achievement
The response addresses some key causes of the issue but could include more detailed solutions. Try to balance the discussion of problems with potential measures to resolve them.
Task Achievement
You provided a personal example, which adds depth and relatability to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The topic sentence clearly introduces the focus of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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