IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities.What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #area #study #work #cities #development
More and more youngster
Suggestion
The more and more youngster
are leaving
Suggestion
is leaving
 their rural home and migrating to the urban areas because of the advantages it provides like better facility and services. But some say it has more disadvantages like turning a village into a
ghost
town but
Accept comma addition
town, but
,
this
 is a weak point to say.
This
 essay discusses the advantage of migration and how its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
 to, the process of migration is occurring due to the advantages the cities
provides
Suggestion
provide
. In
metropolis
Suggestion
the metropolis
, people
gets
Suggestion
get
 superior facilities and services like better education, medical care and the elevated standard of living
,
Accept space
,
that is
 why there is no doubt that young people are attracted towards urban areas.
Also
,
such
 places presents a large number and a variety of employment to choose from
hence
, there is a better chance
to
Suggestion
of
 earning a living
.
Accept space
.
 A good amount of money in the pocket enables them to secure more resources and services for themselves and for their family, not only
this it
Accept comma addition
this, it
also
 helps them to be
financial
Suggestion
financially
 strong and secure their future.
On the contrary
,
Accept space
,
Some say it is a negative development as it turn rural areas into
ghost
 towns. But
this
 argument is weak because, it is a universal nature of all the species on the planet to migrate to different places for better resources and life and to mention, all the wars which took place in the history were to capture resources from foreign lands,
hence
this
 argument of "
ghost
 town" is not valid. In conclusion, it is beneficial for people to move from rural area to megalopolis as it supply them with more resources
th
people in general
they
 are required to live comfortably.An argument of "
ghost
 town" against it is a
week
Suggestion
weekly
 one as
change
Suggestion
a change
 in inevitable and is a part of nature.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: